What No One Tells You About Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is HARD!! No one wants to tell you the struggles breastfeeding brings; the cracked bleeding nipples, pain when the baby eats, pain when you are pumping every 2-4 hours to make enough milk, the amount of dedication it takes to continue, the numerous times quitting went through my head, the list could go on. Now don't get me wrong, I loved being able to breastfeed my child for 17 months but it didn't come easy. It took a lot of tears, support, dedication and perseverance! I'm by no means judging anyone that chooses not to breastfeed their child or just simply can't. Everyone's journey is different. This is ours!

I choose to breastfeed our child and I wasn't giving up. It was something that was extremely important to me so we were gonna make it work, tears and all!

I want moms to know that it isn't always as natural as they say. Put the baby on the boob, they latch, suck and you are good to go! Well it wasn't that smooth for us! 

That being said, I'm very thankful Kinley latched at the beginning as well as she did. We had a c section so sometimes that doesn't happen. I didn't get to be the first to hold my baby, she didn't get placed on my chest immediately. They showed her to me then took her away and stitched me up. We didn't get to have skin to skin until I was in recovery. And honestly I don't even know how long that was after she was born. But when I did get her she latched and we had a very memorable first breastfeeding experience. 

She did absolutely amazing breastfeeding in the hospital. We decided it was best to have her in the nursery at night and requested she be brought back to us every 2 hours for feedings. After 15 hours of labor, pushing for 5 hours, ending in a c section and the huge amount of blood loss I had during the surgery I knew if I was going to heal she needed to be in the nursery. They were wonderful and brought her to us when she needed to be fed, then they took her back to the nursery. It was perfect! Then she spent all day with us :). 

My milk came in on day 3 and after we got home Kinley continued to do well breastfeeding. Me not so much!! I was in so much pain! I thought it was normal though so we kept going. She was gaining weight and getting what she needed so I wasn't about to quit. Let me be honest though, it crossed my mind many many times. It was tough! I was exhausted! I was hormonal! I was in pain from the c section! Giving up would've been so much easier! It was not in my future though! I knew deep down that wasn't what I wanted and I knew that wasn't what was best for all of us! 

We continued to breastfeed every 2-3 hours for many many months!!! Remember she didn't sleep through the night until 13 months :)  

I started pumping when she was about a month old. I was determined to get a stash going for when I went back to work. 

You exclusive pumping moms are my  heroes! I hated pumping! It hurt me so bad!! I tried many different size flanges and different levels on my pump. It didn't matter. It hurt! Remember all those bags I had to take to work to make pumping happen! It was crazy!

Looking back I probably pumped a little too often but I was so worried about not having enough milk in the freezer when I went back to work. If I wasn't feeding her I was pumping! Wow was it exhausting! If she slept more than 3 hours at night I was still getting up to pump. There was no missed feeding/pumping sessions. 

Now things did get easier and we got into a groove with her eating. But at 6 months a friend finally talked me into seeing a lactation consulatant because I was still in extreme pain. From what I've heard lactation consultants are amazing! Our luck wasn't like that. She basically told me since we were 6 months in there was no changing anything. What a disappointment, but I wasn't letting that stop me! 

We did find out she had thrush and a LOT of milk build up on her tongue so that was part of the reason for my pain. It took a long time to get that under control but I think once we finally did we got into a good groove and for the most part I was pain free while she ate. Pumping was a different story! We still weren't quitting! We had made it this far, we were going to keep going! 

I'm not writing this post to deter moms from breastfeeding in no way shape or form. I want this to inspire people that you can keep going! It's tough! It's a journey that's not all butterflies and rainbows! I would do it again in a heartbeat! The outcome and the benefits in the end are so rewarding. I would take that pain for 6+ months anyday to get to where we did! 17 months of breastfeeding! I'm proud! 

I owe many thanks to my husband who offered countless words of encouragement and many sleepless nights of support. He's my rock! He was one of the only people who encouraged me to keep going. He knew I didn't want to quit so if he could help me in any way he was going too. He knew it was important to me, so it was important to him as well! If he thought stopping would've made me happy he would've supported that decision. 

I finally stopped pumping around 13 months and it was amazing! When I first went back to work I was pumping 4 times a day and exclusively breastfeeding her. I slowly cut out one pumping session which made the weaning process for me so much easier. My boobs thanked me too. It definitely was helpful to wean gradually and slowly. I was never in pain when we weaned. 

What an amazing journey breastfeeding was for us! I wouldn't change it for the world! Good luck to all the breastfeeding mommies out there! It's tough but one of my most rewarding accomplishments ever! 

I hope this inspires you mommies to never give up! If that's your choice! 17 months later...full of attitude! I love this little girl more than anything!