Why I am Thankful for Midnight Screams

It has been a long week. Monday night Kinley was up 11-2:30am. She just screamed and would not go back in her bed. I felt so awful I did not know what was wrong. She didn't have a fever and no other symptoms besides being upset. I know she has 2 teeth cutting and possibly her 2 year old molars as well so finally at 2:30am I gave her Tylenol and put her in my bed.

I really really don't like her sleeping in my bed. I have never been a fan of co-sleeping especially when she was little and now that she is a little older she moves so much and I hardly get any sleep when she is in bed with me. I really don't get how people co-sleep. It just isn't for me. If it works for you then by all means go for it!

She was up early on Tuesday, I think 530-6ish, geez I can't remember. But we did get a nap in before I had to go to work. She seemed ok but I was concerned she was up screaming so much so I made a Dr appointment. Matt took her in and the Dr said she was fine just figured she was teething.

Tuesday night she slept like a baby...hehe!!! I really don't know where that phrase comes from since most babies are up every 2 hours! Especially mine in the younger days. Read more about our struggles here. Maybe because they look so peaceful while sleeping. Anyways she slept 7pm-730am. Wednesday wasn't a bad day for her but she wasn't herself. My mother in law said she barely ate any food through out the day. I guess her teeth were really bothering her, so I thought. When she was younger she always ran a slight fever while teething but no fever as of Tuesday.

Wednesday night I worked until 10:00pm like I do every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I came home, brushed my teeth, got in to bed and started reading my book. I was pretty exhausted from the night before. So I turned the lights out about 11:15.

12:05am I hear Kinley screaming. I get up and look at the monitor and she is laying there screaming. I have to admit I was feeling a little frustrated we were going to go through another night of endless screaming with no answers. I gave her a few minutes and went in. I touch her and my heart sinks. She is burning up. My stomach drops and I am consumed by guilt for feeling the slightest bit of frustration 5 minutes earlier. I knew I needed to get a temperature on her and some medicine in her. Her temp was 102.6. I felt so bad for her! Something was really wrong....she has ran a fever that high maybe once when she had strep when she was much younger. I put her back to sleep in my bed because I was too terrified to put her in her crib alone with a fever that high.

We had a restless night but at least she got some sleep, me not so much. We got up about 6 and she was still burning up. 104.3. The emergency room crossed my mind but I thought I would call the on-call nurse first. Poor girl was miserable. The on-call nurse said manage the fever and call the Dr when they open. So that is what I did.

We took her in later that afternoon and what do you know. She has strep and Fifths Disease (which is basically a rash on her face and arms). She has been so miserable all day. I have to admit, I have enjoyed all the cuddles! She is usually not much of a cuddlier so it's been amazing! She got some antibiotics and hopefully will start to feel better at some point today. This is the 3rd time she has had strep and I have no clue where she gets it from. Though it really could be anywhere!

As frustrating as those midnight screams are sometimes you gotta step back and be thankful. They don't know how to ask for help at this age, or tell you what is wrong. They scream....that is their way to communicate. And it is heartbreaking! There is nothing worse than watching your child be miserable and there is nothing I can do but hold her. So next time she screams at midnight I am going to remind myself that she needs something, she is screaming for reason. Maybe it is just for a drink of water, or a cuddle, but it is something, and that is how she communicates.

A lot can happen with high fevers so I am so thankful for that midnight scream! I would not have had it any other way. She needed to be in my arms and held by her mommy. I'm so very thankful! The days are long but the years are short. Sometimes it is hard to embrace the frustrating times but taking a step back and remembering that is important!

Wish us luck! We are going to look at more houses this afternoon!

Embracing Life as a Working Mom

When I first went back to work I had the worst guilt ever. I cried driving to work, I cried going to sleep at night because I felt so guilty about going to work. I hated the fact that I was not able to stay home with my baby girl all day long. I was jealous of the SAHMs. I was so sad I would miss out on important milestones that other's would get to witness. I was her mom I should be able to be there for EVERYTHING! Needless to say the best decision for our family was for me to work. So that is what I did. I felt guilty and frustrated that others were judging me because I was not sacrificing other things in life to be able to stay home. Though they really have no idea the sacrifices I was making. Don't people know being a new mom is hard enough and there is no reason to be so judgemental. People really don't understand that do they. It is so very sad to me, us moms need to be supportive of each others decisions and stand by one another.

Us women need to stop being so critical of others and embrace others decision, learn from one another. I would venture to say men aren't judging each other for working and providing for their families. Or talking behind each other's back because they didn't make that cake from scratch or because they were not able to attend the play date due to work. This list goes on and on. Stop judging people! One of my favorite sayings, "You don't know what goes on behind closed doors." You don't know why people make the decisions they make.

Let's fast forward a year and a half. WOW have I really been back at work a year and a half already? I am sure I am still judged for making the decision to work, but that is ok, because at this point I am 100% proud of my decision to work. We have gone through many changes as a family and I have been lucky to start a new job in the process that has benefited our family greatly. At this point I can proudly say I don't have much mom guilt when I go to work anymore. Do I miss my daughter? Of course! I miss her so very much. It doesn't mean I love her any less because I choose to work. And yes that is a choice. I am a firm believer that everyone has choices in life and I choose to work because it is the best decision for our family and I'll be honest; financially me being a SAHM isn't in the cards right now, but if it was I don't think I would choose to do that full time. I would choose to work.

Working, like being a mom, gives me a purpose. I feel needed, wanted and expected, by my husband and my daughter. It gives me a sense of contribution and accomplishment. I also love giving my daughter the opportunity to spend time with her grandparents that she wouldn't get if I was a SAHM. I love being able to give her the space to grow as an individual without me by her side 24/7. She has learned being independent is a good thing.

I am proud to be a working mom! I feel that working and taking pride in having my own interests and goals sets an important example for my daughter. It teaches her that being independent is a good thing. A much needed attribute in today's society. I also feel working and missing her so much makes me a better mom. It makes me really optimize my time with her and cherish every moment I have with her and my husband. I am truly thankful.

It is nice to be able to put on some dress clothes and do my makeup and have adult interactions. Don't get me wrong, I love my yoga pants and no make up days, but there is something to be said about how putting on real clothes and make up makes you feel. Sometimes like a million bucks. The hardest part about being home for 12 weeks was the lack of adult interaction. I enjoy an adult conversation once in awhile that isn't asking my husband when she pooped or how much she didn't sleep throughout the day and how I need a break. We all need breaks, we are humans; we get frustrated and lonely and it is nice to get out once in a while. It is ok!

Lastly work gives me an identity outside of being a mom. If I ever wanted anything in life it was to be a mommy. Though I also got a Bachelors Degree and then a Master's Degree for a reason. I wanted to teach my children ( yes that is plural for a reason, someday there will me more) something. I am proud to be able to teach my child that everyone has a responsibility to contribute to the family. I strongly believe I am doing the best for my child with helping her embrace independence with the support of the best husband ever! I wouldn't be able to do it without him and we know we are making the best choices for our family.

Being a mommy will always be the most important job in my world but I am proud to be a working mom and I am going to embrace every second of it, even on the bad days.

Clearly my daughter is not lacking love or anything else for that matter.

Family photos done by Lori Woodhouse Photography, LLC.