When I first went back to work I had the worst guilt ever. I cried driving to work, I cried going to sleep at night because I felt so guilty about going to work. I hated the fact that I was not able to stay home with my baby girl all day long. I was jealous of the SAHMs. I was so sad I would miss out on important milestones that other's would get to witness. I was her mom I should be able to be there for EVERYTHING! Needless to say the best decision for our family was for me to work. So that is what I did. I felt guilty and frustrated that others were judging me because I was not sacrificing other things in life to be able to stay home. Though they really have no idea the sacrifices I was making. Don't people know being a new mom is hard enough and there is no reason to be so judgemental. People really don't understand that do they. It is so very sad to me, us moms need to be supportive of each others decisions and stand by one another.
Us women need to stop being so critical of others and embrace others decision, learn from one another. I would venture to say men aren't judging each other for working and providing for their families. Or talking behind each other's back because they didn't make that cake from scratch or because they were not able to attend the play date due to work. This list goes on and on. Stop judging people! One of my favorite sayings, "You don't know what goes on behind closed doors." You don't know why people make the decisions they make.
Let's fast forward a year and a half. WOW have I really been back at work a year and a half already? I am sure I am still judged for making the decision to work, but that is ok, because at this point I am 100% proud of my decision to work. We have gone through many changes as a family and I have been lucky to start a new job in the process that has benefited our family greatly. At this point I can proudly say I don't have much mom guilt when I go to work anymore. Do I miss my daughter? Of course! I miss her so very much. It doesn't mean I love her any less because I choose to work. And yes that is a choice. I am a firm believer that everyone has choices in life and I choose to work because it is the best decision for our family and I'll be honest; financially me being a SAHM isn't in the cards right now, but if it was I don't think I would choose to do that full time. I would choose to work.
Working, like being a mom, gives me a purpose. I feel needed, wanted and expected, by my husband and my daughter. It gives me a sense of contribution and accomplishment. I also love giving my daughter the opportunity to spend time with her grandparents that she wouldn't get if I was a SAHM. I love being able to give her the space to grow as an individual without me by her side 24/7. She has learned being independent is a good thing.
It is nice to be able to put on some dress clothes and do my makeup and have adult interactions. Don't get me wrong, I love my yoga pants and no make up days, but there is something to be said about how putting on real clothes and make up makes you feel. Sometimes like a million bucks. The hardest part about being home for 12 weeks was the lack of adult interaction. I enjoy an adult conversation once in awhile that isn't asking my husband when she pooped or how much she didn't sleep throughout the day and how I need a break. We all need breaks, we are humans; we get frustrated and lonely and it is nice to get out once in a while. It is ok!
Lastly work gives me an identity outside of being a mom. If I ever wanted anything in life it was to be a mommy. Though I also got a Bachelors Degree and then a Master's Degree for a reason. I wanted to teach my children ( yes that is plural for a reason, someday there will me more) something. I am proud to be able to teach my child that everyone has a responsibility to contribute to the family. I strongly believe I am doing the best for my child with helping her embrace independence with the support of the best husband ever! I wouldn't be able to do it without him and we know we are making the best choices for our family.
Being a mommy will always be the most important job in my world but I am proud to be a working mom and I am going to embrace every second of it, even on the bad days.
Clearly my daughter is not lacking love or anything else for that matter.
Family photos done by Lori Woodhouse Photography, LLC.
I really needed to read a post like this- I'm going back to work next month, and even though I'll be teaching part-time, I still have a lot of guilt and sadness. I love my job, but I really struggle with being away from my daughter, not to mention the stress of the workload and mommy-load. Your post gave me the boost I needed to remember that I'm doing the best thing for my family, that I also like getting dressed and made up for work, and putting my education and degrees to work!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much It's Simply Lindsay! This made me smile! I am sure you are doing an awesome job!
DeleteI think you will successfully balance both! Great post
ReplyDeleteThank you Cynthia
DeleteBeing a working mom is tough, and yes, you do feel the guilt especially as a new mom, but I've learned that people can't make me feel bad without my permission and I think that a lot, if not all, of this guilt is because I allowed it. Aside from moms not judging others, moms need to stop judging themselves. Who cares what others think? It's your child, your family, your choices. I highly recommend reading "I know how she does it" by Laura Vanderkam. I bought the audio book and listened to it in my car on my way and out of work. This book made me realize that I was doing more than enough for my child. And she presents data, which sold me. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteYou are correct Dee! I will definitely have to check out that book. Thank you for the recommendation!
DeleteHey - it's tough - I was a working mom with two daughters and it was a constant juggling act - and I would feel guilty sometimes but I had to work.... not everyone can have a choice - you sound like you are doing great and the biggest thing is "juggling" it all and getting quality time with the kids and balance. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Clare!
DeleteYou are doing great! I know it's tough to be away from your children but it just feels SO good to have that adult interaction and actually be YOU. There are a lot of moms who have lost themselves and have just become the "mommy", but you chose to still be yourself and that's awesome!
ReplyDeleteMost definitely Jaime! Thank you!
DeleteYou shouldn't feel guilty! I'm sure you are a great mom and spend as much quality time with your daughter as you can. I have this same worry and have gone back and forth on what the best decision is. I recently read an article that since more moms are working the studies show that kids are excelling and doing as well as kids with moms that stay at home. The other thing I loved about the article is that it said kids with working moms (especially boys) tend to help around the house more with their own spouses and tend to be more loving and understanding. Girls tend to excel better in school and tend to take on management positions. That article made me feel so much better about being a working mom someday. I think women that judge other women for making that decision is not fair and shouldn't make that judgement because they don't understand other situations.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! You are sweet! That is good to know about the article! Thanks for sharing!
DeleteI'm not a Mum but I think your reasons for being a working mum are great and should be a real confidence boost for those mum's thinking of going back to work :)
ReplyDeleteAwww you are so sweet!
DeleteThis is a great post, very thoughtful and uplifting.
ReplyDeleteThank you Birdhouse Books!
DeleteI'm glad you overcame the guilt that so many mothers carry through with them through child rearing. There are pros and cons to any situation- you just have to find the one that works best for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely right Katy. I try to find the positive in things which helps as well. Thanks for reading.
DeleteI believe that you must work and also be a mom. Doing well in both is very necessary. Good luck. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Aishwarya!
DeleteI have both worked and been a stay at home mom. There is always a struggle but what you said at the beginning of your post was what truly interested me in continuing to read, which was, "us moms need to be supportive of each others decisions and stand by one another." Thank you for this great post.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kelly for reading!!
DeleteI'm a working stay at home mom and I still have a lot of mom guilt! It's a constant struggle between paying attention to my son and giving my 100% at work as well. I work structured 40 hours a week without much flexibility. I think either way moms feel guilt. I'm so glad that you were able to find that happy balance be comfortable with what your life called for. Kudos to you mama!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I would ever get work done working from home, though it seems like a good idea LOL. Yes we need to get rid of the mommy guilt! Thank you!
DeleteI agree with you - as a society, we judge each other WAY too much. And I find that it's unfortunate, but women tend to be worse at it than men. We can't possibly know what's going on in someone else's head or life that led them to the decisions they make. Even if you didn't need to work for financial reasons, if you're a mom and choose to work, I say good for you! Honestly, it's good to set a good example for your child and to allow her time on her own. It's very healthy.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I would like to think we could get better as a society but unfortunately I don't think that is an option :(
DeleteI truly think the mommy wars are all in our heads. We're all good mothers. As a SAHM there are times I am so jealous of working moms, and times that I think I'm so thankful to be home with my kids. There are positives and negatives to both choices! I have noticed when meeting a new mom I find myself defending my choice to be home all while she's defending her choice to work. We're both so busy defending ourselves unnecessarily that we aren't taking the time to encourage and support each other!
ReplyDeleteKeep being a good mama! Stay proud of YOUR choice to raise your family in the best way you can. Let go of mommy guilt. :)
Yes there are definitely positives to both sides! Thank you!!
DeleteThis post is very insightful. I'm not a mom yet, but it's still nice to have the perspective you offer on what it's like to be a working mom. I think you have to do what is best for your family and avoid comparing your situation to others. Women definitely need to support other women and not be so judgmental.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tia! Spread the support!
DeleteThis was a fabulous read! I don't have kiddos yet but they are on the horizon in the next few years, and I can't imagine my life without work. It's always refreshing to read about working moms.
ReplyDeleteYay Becki! Good luck!
DeleteWhile I don't have children, I DO believe it's possible to have a career and a family, it's just about making the right choices for you and your family. Like someone above said, read the book by Vanderkam.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely check it out! Thanks Rae
DeleteI don't have kids (only a furbaby), so I can't imagine how tough it must be to balance. I think it's very important to have both though! I'm glad you've found a way to balance everything!
ReplyDeleteFur babies count as kiddos too :) Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteOMG I love your title image! It matches your blog PERFECTLY!
ReplyDeleteThanks!! I was super excited about it!!
DeleteYou are doing great! Everyone does what they have to for their family and different things are right for everyone. I'm mostly at home but I do work from home and work outside the home a little bit, and I have a lot of guilt from working at home because I don't pay my baby enough attention! Being a mom is hard, period...
ReplyDeleteThank you Claire! Being a mom is the hardest job ever! But the best :)
DeleteLove this! Being a working mom is hard but also rewarding to see all we can do!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree Julie!
DeleteAwesome post ! You're so my mommy hero working and being a full time mommy.
ReplyDeleteThank you Trisha!! You are so sweet!
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